So, the good news is that I’ve finally beat Nier. And I cried like a fucking bitch.
At first, I was all like, “Yeah! I’m probably getting really close to the end now! Woo!”And I went to the Aerie and got REALLY scared by EVERYTHING in there. Mostly just when people started turning into Shades and Kaine got hit and Emil had his little temper tantrum. Like, that was legitimately scary for me.
And the King of Facade was all like, “Hey, I’m having a little get-together with a few cool people and you better be one of them, beeyotch!” So me and Kaine and Emil and Weiss all put on our robes and wizard hats and took a hike down there. Then people starting asking Nier ~*~*uncomfortable questions*~*~ about his wife and he goes, “It happened a long time ago,” and I’m all, “TELL ME A FUCKING STORY, SIR. I WANT TO KNOW. I WILL LISTEN TO YOUR TROUBLED HEEEEAAAARRRRTTTT.” But he didn’t.
So then the reception starts up and I’m happy, and Nier’s party is happy, and Fyra is happy, and then Fyra gets attacked by fucking wolves and I FREAKED. OUT. Like, I was right there with the King, man. He and I understood each other.
So, when I finally got all of the keys and I’m on my way to the Shadowlord’s castle, I started tearing up. Like, with Emil being all, “Lets all make it back alive,” and Kaine being all stoic, and I’m just like, “Ten minutes ago, we were talking about growing plants and getting new underpants together. What the fuck, you guys?”
So then we finally get to the thing and when I opened the door, I was expecting a big, elaborate castle. It’s called “The Shadowlord’s Castle.” I was expecting this horrible place, filled with spikes and shadows and black-flame candles that are still lighting the place by, like, magic and screwing physics. I was expecting the aftermath of one of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton’s sleepovers.
I got a beautiful fucking garden, full of sunshine.
But then the birds starting asking me really cryptic riddles and shit got real again.
Speaking of shit getting real, when I made it to Popola and Devola, I was freaking out again. Like, badly this time. “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Why are you people here?! What?! YOU’VE BEEN WITH THE SHADOWLORD THIS WHOLE TIME?! BUT— BUT I GOT YOU DRUNK AND THE SINGING AND WHAT ABOUT MY— My missions…?”
So then I go and kick their asses, but then Grimoire Weiss’ speech started fucking up and it was FFFFFUCKING SCARY, OH MY GOD. Remember how, earlier, the Shade-People in the Aerie scared me? Well, they were scaring me because of that whole “Every one? Every one everyone everyoneeveryoneeveryoneeveryoneeveryoneBALALJFSOFSDOHHDFSHFDSKFDS” moment. Well, when Weiss started stuttering, I was freaking out really hard. “Oh my GOD, he’s going to turn into a SHAAAADE!!!”
But he didn’t. So we were cool.
So we’re going through the castle some more, la lalala, creepy waltz room was creepy. Then the King of Facade shows up again and I’m like, “OH MY GOD, MY BROS ARE HERE!”
And then I realized that they were all going to die. Fuck NOOOO.
The “Shades are PEOPLE!” thing fucked me up. Like, the whole game suddenly took on this REALLY creepy vibe about a man slaughtering whole villages to keep his kid alive. I felt like I was playing Elder Scrolls: Silent Hill edition the whole time. Beautifully executed twist.
Then I fought Devola and Popola again and I beat. Their. Asses. Well, I beat Devola’s ass. Even though I didn’t really like Devola very much and I spoke to her all of twice, her death got me crying. Then Popola’s freak out scared the hell out of me, as well as making me sad. So, as Popola was dragging me back to her, I’m thinking, “Whatevs. I kicked her ass twice now. I can do it again. Ahahaha… Emil, where are you going? What are you doing? Emil, you’re not… EMIL!!!!”
OH. MY. GOD. Asifthey fucking did that. AS IF.
So we move on and Nier’s about as sad as I am. Then Kaine just kinda beats him up. Now, I thought she was gonna yell at him, or Weiss was gonna yell at her, but it was kinda just like “*Beat!* *Near-kiss* Okay, lets go.”
So we went and got my little girl.
Can I just say that Grimoire Noir scares the hell out of me and he will be featuring prominently in my nightmares for years to come? I mean, I kicked his ass and it was easy, but what the fuck, sir?
Then the Shadowlord happened and I felt REALLY bad for him, even as I was beating his ass. After the whole, “Hey, guess what Shades are?” discussion, I was kind of all, “Well, what the fuck is he then? Is he a person? Is he God? Is he the body that Nier wants or what?”
Now, if a game has me crying by this point, I was under the impression that it can do no worse. Like, nothing. It’s like when I cried at the end of Black Butler when Alois died. Nothing that Ciel could do would make me more sad at that moment. I thought that the death of Emil had been that moment. Oh, no. No no no no no.
They took Grimoire Weiss.
THEY TOOK GRIMOIRE WEISS. OH GOD. I CAN’T. I CAN’T ANYMORE. NOPE. NOPE. I CAN’T.
I got my daughter back, smiled at the adorable ending, then sobbed my way through the credits. God damn…
Best game ever. Would play again and again and again.
I was a weird kid growing up. Not freakish weird, just kinda weird, the way that I think all kids are. Point is, all kids have their quirks and mine was Bile Fascination from a young age. I was more likely to ask to see something dead and bleeding than run away from it. Whatever. All kids do that.
So, when I was around the age of eight, my dad brings home the original Silent Hill. This is back when the Playstation first came out, so I was like, “Holy shit, this is fantastic!” My mother was a Moral Guardian of the highest caliber and said that I was not allowed to play because I couldn’t even multiply two-digits yet, much less handle that much gore.
My father, gentleman and scholar that he is, found a loophole in mom’s argument and asked if I wanted to stay up and watch him play.
Watching my father play a video game was a privilege when I was younger. It was like the mayor of your town asking if you wanted to watch him run the world all day. To my eight-year old mind, my dad on any game controller was like watching a virtuoso play Beethoven. He had turned strategy, timing, and bad-guy take-down configurations into an art-form and, even today, I find myself quoting his wisdom while I coach friends on games.
So, of course, I said yes. And, like the bile-fascination-susceptible eight-year old that I was, I loved it. It was the coolest thing. I mean, sure, it gave me horrible nightmares, but whatever. THERE WERE RED PIXELS THAT INDICATED BLOOD. THAT SHIT WAS INTENSE.
But people grow up. Move on. Go play other games with cuter story lines and more compelling, better designed characters. But then, maybe five years later, I got word about Silent Hill 3 coming out. This blew my mind, because I didn’t even know there had been a Silent Hill 2.
When I grilled my dad, he revealed thathisdad (proving that gaming is a legacy in my family) had said it was not really anything worth talking about. Nonetheless, I was curious. Bile fascination had carried into adolescence. So, we went out and got the games. Tried them. He wasn’t as much of a fan, but I absolutely loved them. I couldn’t relate to James or Heather at all, or even Henry when I played that one, but they were scary and fun.
Around then is when I turned into a horror aficionado, building an extensive collection of horror movies and games and making my mother roll her eyes at how clearlyedgy and hip I was. I beat the first Silent Hill, then every Silent Hill I could get my hands on. And so life goes.
Fast-forward to about five months ago. I’m practically a Silent Hill conquista, tackling every game I can. The addition of an XBox 360 to my collection of consoles meant that I could finally pick up the Silent Hill of the next (current) generation. I had new monsters to take down, new characters to connect with, high-definition gore to peruse.
It fucking blew.
It wasn’t compelling. It wasn’t interesting. It wasn’t even funny. It just sucked. It staggered like a wounded gazelle between everything I had ever been averse to in terms of next/current generation gaming and trying so hard to recapture my Silent Hill boner that I hated it even more.
The clincher came on a cold, January evening, after I had been back to school for a few more weeks. I was playing. Roommate was watching. I was in a sewer level where my token love interest was running around, ruining the atmosphere and opening doors for me that I could clearly open myself if Alex Shepard had any business doing anything remotely interesting. All I did was yell at him for being a cock-hoarder. At one point, I was down to my last centimeter of health. I had ammo but no health drinks, running around in circles and generally screaming at Alex.
I decided that, if I was going down, I would go down like a boss. I turned and killed all of the creatures with a quickness that belied my upbringing. Iwasmy father’s daughter and I had proved it by slaughtering those monsters with celerity. I. Fucking. Won.
As I ran up to the door, Elle goes, “I’ve almost got it open.” Of course you do, sweetheart. Because I am a boss. Out of nowhere, a giant monster drops down on top of me, obliterating my last pixel of health and casting me into the cold, familiar darkness of the Game Over screen.
I can’t remember anything, but my roommate tells me that the fallout was epic. All I remember is this:
Roommate: You know, if anyone heard that, they probably think that you were abusing a boyfriend named Alex.
Me: *recovering from the Ragegasm* Or I was having the best hatesex in the world with him.
In short, Silent Hill became an enormous whore around the current generation and Downpour does not make me optimistic.
Despite spending nearly all of our time playing video games and derping around on Tumblr, me and roommate actually have lives. Real lives. With real people. And not always each others’ friends. Roommate-only friends tend to be from her high school. As such, I have no fucking idea who these people are. So when roommate invites her friends over, I’m usually just all
because we’re courteous most of the time and don’t invite people over without consulting each other. Just how we roll. So, anyway, I’m chilling and writing and fucking around on Tumblr when Roommate has her friends over.
First of all, we have a chair shortage. Roommate and I both brought comfy chairs with us, in addition to the regular chairs that the school gives us. I had already put my chair into the closet, indicating that I never expected to use it for the rest of the year. So, three chairs, four people in the room. Now, I’m in my desk chair, Roommate’s Friend M sits in roommate’s comfy chair and Roommate’s Friend B sits in Roommate’s desk chair. So, already, the night is all awkward because Roommate is just going
Well, I punked out for a few hours and ignored them because I was making a house on the Sims 3. Iget into that game. My houses are fucking beautiful. Flawless. Someday, I will get the balls to put one up on my personal blog, but they’re beautiful. Anyway, I came back to reality to the sounds of chaos. Not good.
Roommate’s Friend M was spazzing about something in her mouth. Turns out, she had some kind of abscess in there and was kind of scared that it was infected. Reasonable. Then she assumes the fetal position in Roommate’s comfy chair and starts murmuring that she’s going to die tonight.
So, I’m kind of going
Because no one that I’m aware of has ever died from a small, pus-filled abscess that was barely the size of an M&M in their mouth at two in the morning. Apparently this sort of thing happens all the time for M though, and she begins freaking out in earnest. All I remember is Roommate frantically searching through WebMD and B trying to calm chick down.
Now, in any situation like this, I’m usually not one to put up with someone’s dramatic nonsense. Least of all someone who is taking me away from Amateur Architecture Night. I was playing nice at first, just kind of being all like, “Do you want me to make you some tea?” Then she starts asking about whether it would be good if it burst. I’m just like, “Well, I have a pushpin and some rubbing alcohol if you want to try.” Everyone in the room was all, “No, lets not,” but she’s just all
Okay, fine, whatever.
So, eventually, she starts thinking that she has cancer. Fucking cancer. Around there was when I lost it.
Me: *grabbing my games* M, come here for a sec… *flip flip flip* Do you see this game right here?
M: … Yes?
Me: This is Dirge of Cerberus. I love this game more than my own children. I’ve been obsessed with this game for five years and I’m never going to stop. I swear, on this game, that you’re not going to fucking die tonight.
I delivered this speech like I was some kind of astounding badass. I could have led an army into victory with that speech, 300-style. I was the coolest motherfucker in the world, right then.
And then she goes,
M: But what if I die tomorrow?
So I’m a member of the Final Fantasy fandom. I usually just write fanfic for the Tsviets, but I love the rest of the series to pieces. There’s just one thing I don’t particularly like, and that is the fandom. I have nothing against the fandom exactly, and I’m actually one of them, so I kinda can’t have much against them, but I just get really tired of every other post on a kink meme being a request for “SephirothxCloud hot buttsechs plz!”I’m down with SephirothxCloud as much as the next girl, but not when it’s every. Other. Fucking. Post.
So when I see something unique, I usually jump on to stave off what would amount to me taking my ball and going home.
Well, one day, I was surfing around the kink meme on a caffeine binge and came across the Holy Grail of unique posts: GenesisxLoveless.
The request was “sex with a book.”Holy hell, how could I, a writer up at 3:30 in the morning, NOT write that?
So I wrote it. One draft, took about an hour. It was cracky, and filled with puns (my favorite was about how Genesis’ favorite thing is to “get lost in a good book.”)
No one has forgiven me since. I’m given funny looks when I’m in the same room was Nier because Grimoire Weiss exists.
So, remember when I needlessly dramatized a trip to McDonald’s to get MLP toys about a week ago? Well, if you’ll recall, the main reason that getting Twilight Sparkle was so significant is because I had a Statistics test the next day. So, I went and took the test. And during the whole thing, I had her up on my desk. Since she’s on a keychain, I just really casually had my keys on my desk. Whatever.
So, I started doing the test and I was going, “Oh my God, I actually have a clue. Holy hell.” It was a surprising moment in my life: Actually understanding what was going on during a Sweeney test. My mind was blown, but not blown enough not to do the work. I finished that test like a lion on the goddamn hunt.
So, I waited the week and, on Friday, I got it back.
81.7. A C+ in high school, but that’s a god damn B in college!
THANK YOU, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!
So, one day, I spent the entire day studying for this enormous probability test. The test itself is not enormous, but I got an early warning for this class because I did horribly on the first test. This test is hugely important, and I was studying like a boss.
When I got back to my room, I was really, really hungry. I’m one of those people who was blessed with some kind of iron stomach and I can eat nearly anything, so my options were limited only by where I could walk to. There’s two sketchy pizza places, one semi-expensive pizza place, and a McDonald’s within walking distance.
So, I randomly kinda say, “Hey, I’m thinking about getting some McDonald’s,” to my roommate. Like, it wasn’t a full-on thought, but it was there. I was trying to de-stress by scrolling through My Little Brony at the time. Then the website reminded me that they have MLP toys.
So I’m all,
Me: Russ, we need to get to McDonald’s. *Getting up, brushing hair, locating wallet.
Me: Russ, THEY HAVE MY LITTLE PONY TOYS.
Roommate: SHIT! *runs to bathroom*
Five minutes later, we’re walking over the big-assed bridge that leads into Watervliet like a pair of bosses. For visual reference, here is that bridge:
It’s enormous, spanning across the Hudson river. And we walked that shit for MLP toys. While singing Winter Wrap-Up to pass the time because, like I said, it’s a big-assed bridge.
So, we cross the bridge, get to the McDonald’s, and stroll up to the register. Since I’m the closest thing my small group has to an initiater, I start the conversation.
Me: Silly question, uhm, do I have to order a Happy Meal to get the toy? Like, can I just get the toy and whatever else?
Guy Behind the Counter: *Looks ready to shoot me in the foot* Sure.
Me: Uhm… So which pony toys do you have?
GBtC: The purple one and the yellow one.
Me: *Internally: Twilight Sparkle? Rarity? Cheerilee? Applejack? Fluttershy? Give me DETAILS, SIR!!!* Alrighty.
So me and roommate get our food and toys. Moment of truth. I open my bag…
TWILIGHT SPARKLE PONY!!!
So, my plan for the exam in half an hour is to bring my book, crib sheet, and Twilight Sparkle figure. If my Stats teacher can bring his dog, I can bring ponies.
So, the day I went back to school was Daylight Savings Time, and that’s where this whole incident starts off. I was up at 7, as planned, and ready by 8. Mom was still asleep at 8, so at about 7:50 I peek my head in and go, “Uh… Mom? Are we still going at 8?”
Mom: … *blearily looks at the clock* Meg, it’s not even 7.
Me: Yeah it is. *show her my phone
We end up tearing out of the house and getting to the bus station maybe fifteen minutes before my bus leaves. Okay, crisis averted. I spent the first leg of the trip peacefully alternating between the books I had to read for Math Lit and glaring at Kung Fu Panda 2 on the screens.
Here’s where things go South.
When I got onto the bus to Albany, I was sitting by myself. The plan was to finish up some of my Gender and Sexuality paper so that I wouldn’t feel as guilty when I
took Caius Ballad aside and made passionate love
So about mid-way through the trip, we’re somewhere between Massachusetts and New York when I just happened to look to one side. The side that the guy was on, coincidentally. Whatwasn’tcoincidental is that he was taking pictures on the bus. More specifically, he was taking pictures of the girls on the other side of the aisle. These girls were within four years of me, wearing shorts and just generally being co-eds. Whatever. But he didn’t know them, they certainly weren’t posing, and he was taking close-up pictures of their legs.
So I post to Facebook, basically soliciting advice on the situation. Glad to see I’m not the only one who thought that was fucking sick because everyone else goes, “Call him out on it.” So, at the next stop:
Me: ‘Scuse me, girls? Yes, you two. I just thought you ought to know. This guy’s been taking pictures of your legs across the aisle.
Guy: No, I wasn’t. I was taking pictures of my thumb.
Me: (Whaaaat? Worst excuse ever.) No, you weren’t. You were zooming in on their legs. I watched you do it.
Girls: Thaaat’s really creepy.
Elderly Lady in Front of Me and Guy: You should go tell the bus driver.
So I go tell the bus driver, and me and Elderly Lady are all
for a few minutes. Then the guy comes back on and I switch seats like a MOTHERFUCKER. Good thing I did, too. The girl in front of me and Elderly Lady was watching Silent Hill with subtitles on. It felt like the universe was thanking me for being a good person.
After that, I got off the bus at Albany and told the story to customer service and they commended me for being a good person. Begin part 2.
The bus ride back to Troy wasn’t anywhere near as dramatic, thank God. Just involved me blearily, hungrily wandering around the streets of Albany for an hour, wondering where the flying hell the 22 was supposed to pick me up. Eventually found it, came home, dropped my stuff, and went to dinner.
So, about a year ago, we got the craziest Belgian Shepard in the world. Her name is Bella.
Now, we also have three cats, so they shed ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE, and my mom is usually hates when it comes to that. Thing is, the dog REALLY fucking loves the vacuum. Well, either she loves it or she hates it, but the point is that when the vacuum comes on, the dog does this:
Just now, I was downstairs because I NEEDED to fucking eat something. So I’m eating a sandwich while mom’s vacuuming and the dog is going completely ballistic. So mom is all:
And dad is holding the dog down on the floor, who is all:
And dad’s going:
So I go:
My opinion of what I’ve played so far of XIII-2.
When I saw Lightning, I was all:
Then, when I saw Caius, I went:
So when I saw them both fighting:
And my dad was there, watching, so the whole thing looked like this:
So, at first, when I saw Noel, I was expecting to be all:
But then he showed up, and proved to be really, really likeable.
But then we get to Serah, who I was expecting to like quite a lot.
But she’s acting like a goddamn child who needs everyone’s permission to do anything, so I’m kind of going:
And hoping that Serah grows a pair by the end of the narrative.
So, in conclusion, this game will probably eat all of my school time forever.
Okay, so on my personal Tumblr, I usually have a lot of things where I’ll be talking about my life. Occasionally, despite my massive lexicon, words will not do my experience justice and I’ll turn to reaction images. I’ve got a couple blogs marked, plus whatever Google coughs up.
Please enjoy as I take you through everything I’ve ever done ever.